The Much-Awaited Conclusion of the USA Trip Trilogy!

Hey, Hey, Hey

First, I need to give a shout out to Tia Liz, who has been complaining for quite some time about the missing update on my Florida trip. I appreciate all sorts of fan mail, and Tia Liz is apparently one of my biggest fans (based on number of comments).

Without further ado, I present to you the last installment in my trilogy “Sebastian’s Visit to the Motherland.” At some point I promise you that I will be updating this blog on a more regular basis so that you are reading about what happened last week instead of 4 months ago, but hey, cut me some slack, it’s hard work raising my parents. For example, mommy just started doing some consulting for the World Bank again and I have been helping her read through important documents about the quality of education in Colombia. (I am assuming the quality has improved since they taught my Abuelito all sorts of crazy things.)

After leaving the DC area, we headed to Boca Raton, Florida to attend my Tio Loco’s wedding. While there, I got to meet my mommy’s family. Well, really they got to meet me…something that they had all been eagerly awaiting for months. And hey, who can blame them? I am, after all, super cute and very witty as you well know.

Anyhow, it turns out that my Tio Loco (that’s Eddie for those of you who don’t know him), despite being a bit crazy, actually has pretty good taste in women. I present you with exhibit A: the pretty lady here is his bride, Stacy.

And just to show you how well he cleans up, see Exhibit B: isn’t that a snazzy tux that he is wearing.

Next up is a picture of my first meeting with Tio Loco. If I look a bit pensive, it’s mostly because I had already met Tia Stacy and I was having a hard time figuring out what she saw in this guy. I mean, she could do soooo much better…I, after all, am available. As is Grandpa, who, besides being so handsome, is crazy about me. (But not yet crazy.)

Then there is my Tia Lillian. She is a big shot sports editor for her local newspaper. What! You’ve never heard of the Methow Valley News? I know that you spend all of your time reading this blog, but really, you should get out a little more. She’s single too by the way.

This here is a picture of Tio Amit and Daddy before heading out for a long night of debauchery. They aren’t spilling the beans on the details of Tio Loco’s bachelor night but….???

Perhaps the best part of my stay in Florida was finally meeting my cousins Zev and Hayden. We had a great time, staying up late, sneaking out after our parents went to bed, and dancing up a storm at the wedding. I’m pretty sad, though, because they just moved to Albania, which I am pretty sure is a million miles away. (I’m not sure if that’s where albinos are from, but I think it might be.) Here is a picture of Zev wearing Grandpa’s shoes. He’s still trying to take them off.

And here is a picture of me and my cousin Hayden sleeping off a hangover. I’d like to point out how much bigger than him I am despite the fact that he is 5 weeks older. Actually, the night before I beat him soundly in an arm wrestling match.

Next is a super cute picture of me. Now, I never claimed to be a teetotaler (just super cute), so make whatever inferences you like. But imagine being at a bar with a bunch of adults speaking gibberish. You'd be bored, wouldn't you? Bored enough to drink?! To quote Abuelito, "(I) Rest my case."

No trip to the U.S. is complete without a pilgrimage to The Cheesecake Factory. We arrived about a ½ hour before they opened, though, so we were starving by the time we sat down. Daddy tried to eat Tia Lily but our hero, me, baby Sebastian, jumped in and saved her in the nick of time. I did the world a huge favor, really, since it would be a much darker place without her at the helm of the Methow Valley News sports department. Who would provide the latest breaking news on the latest high school wrestling match?!

And because no entry would be complete without showing off how good-looking my parents are, look no further. Doesn’t mommy look lovely. I’m crying, of course, because as of an hour before this photo was taken, Tia Stacy said “I do,” officially taking herself off the market.

And Daddy looked so handsome that day that he gave me a run for my money. Hence, I tried to mar his good looks by chewing off his nose. It didn’t work, though. Alas, his nose is still intact… for now.

And although Daddy is pretty handsome, here is further proof that my good looks come mostly from Mommy’s side of the family. Mommy’s sisters, Tia Lily and Tia Elizabeth, are so good-looking you could, as my Tio Nilo likes to say, “put them on a plate and eat them.” Don’t worry, he isn’t related to them though, which makes him a little less creepy but not much.

And while we are on the topic of good looks, let’s have a big round of applause for the generation that started it all. That’s me with Great-Grandad. You can’t see it in the picture but he’s got the nicest baby blues this side of…well, anywhere and everywhere.

And this here is Great-Grandma Rita. Thankfully I inherited her high cheekbones and naturally slim physique. In order to truly inherit all of her qualities, I was trying to eat her, but I never expected to be photographed in flagranti delicto! (Yes, I speak Latin. Surprised?!)

Here we have my Tia Piolin (that’s Aunt Tweety Bird to those of you who don’t speak Spanish) and Tio Jerrod. Actually, Tia Piolin is my mommy’s first cousin, which technically makes her my first cousin once removed (FCOR), but she’ll always be an Auntie to me. That good-looking kid in the picture is my second cousin Noah.

Not pictured here, but equally has good-looking are my Grandma Sherrie, Opa Andy, Tia Stephanie (again, my FCOR) and Tio Scott. He’s a big, bad policeman in Tampa so all of you hooligans watch out if you decide to whoop it up gangsta-style in Ybor City.

The funniest guy of all, though, is my Great-Grandpa Leo. He tells the best jokes that side of Colombia. (After all, my Abuelito Pablo is hilarious. Granted, much of that is unintentional...)

My Tio Amit is the lucky guy who happens to be married to my Tia Elizabeth. In case you are wondering why I look a bit worried in this photo, Tio Amit had just asked if he could borrow one of my diapers.

And rounding out this photo essay is a picture of me with my first cousins Zev and Hayden and my second cousins Noah and Nolan. Now ladies, don’t fret. We are all single. You don’t have to fight over us. Plus, there is one handsome dude to add to the mix: unfortunately my second cousin Jude couldn’t make it but I am definitely looking forward to meeting him when I make my first big trip to Oregon.

P.S. Despite all my disparaging remarks about my Tio Loco, he’s actually a pretty cool cat. I was just jealous that he happened to meet Tia Stacy before I was even born. I mean, talk about an uneven playing field...